I arrived at the hospital today and was hoping to change Sebastian's diaper and do his temperature. This is something I have been doing for the last few days and I love to be able to help care for my son.
Bev the nurse caring for Sebastian asked me if I wanted to hold him today. Up until this point I have not been able to do this. Immediately I was in tears as it is very emotional after almost three weeks to get to do more then just hand hug your baby through the islolet.
I changed into a gown and prepared to finally hold Sebastian. It takes two nurses and about 15 minutes to organize Sebastian's breathing tubes and everything else he is hooked up to in order to disconnect and reconnect him quickly. He is placed on my chest and takes very little time to settle in comfortably between my very ample chest. Because I can't see his beautiful face they give me a mirror so that I can hold it up to observe him as he lies peacefully on his mommy.
It was an amazing moment as you finally have that connection to your child that you have been denied for so long.
Bev tells me that because he can smell me, hear my heartbeat and my breast milk smells like amniotic fluid he is in a very happy place. I don't think he can be as happy as I am at this moment.
I hold him for two hours and after holding him I go to pump for milk. My output doubles after holding my son. The human body is an amazing thing.
I know if I am able to hold him my visits are more complete.
This is a moment I will never forget.
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