Steinar does some hand hugging

Hand hugging is really good for the baby. We are able to put our hands on his head and bottom (or the bottom of his feet) so he knows we are around. I speak to him softly as he knows my voice and try to hand hug Sebastian just prior to expressing milk in order to get better results. It is amazing how we are so connected to this child.

Pictures of Sebastian around April 20th

Looking better already.

Starting to fatten up (a little bit)

This is Sebastian when he is gaining a bit of weight. He is still below his birth weight but looks alot better. He is already giving the nurses attitude. The other morning Nurse Mariam said that while he was getting a new IV put in he opened his eyes and looked at her and gave her the middle finger. She did not realize that I had an instant camera near his isolet so that they could take pictures when he is having moments like that.
He must take after his daddy with that attitude.

He has alot of dark hair and fair eyebrows and as the days go by his skin is getting a little more fair. We can't wait to see what he looks like as he grows a bit more.

The days and nights pass with alot of ups and downs.

For the first few days Sebastian is hooked up to alot of different machines to keep him going. We know it will be hard to see him but know all of this is saving his life. In the first few days he is down about 80-100 grams from his birth weight. This is normal but alot for a baby who started out at 845 grams. He has little fat and is skinny. Over the next two weeks his weight goes up and down and we never know what is going to happen from day to day. We have alot of scares and realize that this is going to be a roller coaster ride that we will be on for the next few months.

Putting it into perspective

It is really hard to know how small Sebastian really is. His head is about the size of an orange and fits into the palm of our hands when we need to comfort him. The two bands in the picture are what Steinar and I wear in order to get into the NICU. The smaller band was the one Sebastian wore around his thigh (that was before it feel off for being too loose). You can see in a prior photo that Steinar is wearing it on his ring finger. He is perfect but tiny.

NO....He will not be called Snoop Dog (or anything like that)

So it is Saturday and I am getting prepared to check out. We still do not have a name for our beautiful boy. Steinar has phoned me last night and given me some names over the phone that he likes. We are both set on our son having a Norwegian name and a part of that heritage. We soon rule out the names I can't pronounce. That cuts it down to about have the list. I am hearing the names and certain ones stick in my head. The next day Steinar comes to the hospital with the list of names and we start to narrow them down. I ask him which name he likes and Sebastian is the one that we both are set on. We are not 100% (or I am not) as this is the rest of his life so the name is very important to me. We are told that we need to get to the fron desk of administration so that we can get him a Social Insurance number. Steinar goes down and shows up minutes later as we can't register him without having a first name.
When push came to shove we have now decided "Sebastian Bertelsen". All of a sudden he becomes a bit more real to both of us. Our baby boy has a name.

For those of you who were calling him pea (Anna) Friday (mom and dad), Snoop Dog (Steinar), Snoop doggie, dog (Jonathan) and the person who called him Fripea (Michelle moms friend) I think that was part of the reason we chose a name so quickly. Thanks for the help with the names but we are good now.

Sebastian the day after he was born. Saturday April 11th

Michelle visits

Random Pictures

Steinar spent most of his time in this chair. When he was not sitting in it he pulled it out to make it the most uncomfortable bed in the world. I don't know who had more back pain..him or me. When we got up the morning I delivered the nurse was actually more concerned about Steinar's health then mine as he had slept in this horrible bed for three nights. He's my hero.

Random Pictures

The first day I am in labour but don't want to bother anyone just yet.

Friday April 10th (Good Friday)

Our baby boy is doing well and although he has tubes in his nose for oxygen he is breathing 21% oxygen which is what we breath. This is a good sign. We are able to go to NICU anytime of the day or night and I find it a comfort to check on him.
It is the morning of the day he is born and I have just been told that I will be discharged the following day. I immediately get very emotional as I know I am not ready to go home for many reasons. I don't want to leave my baby and I don't know what to do. I am reassured by the nurses that I will get full information on what I am to do when we are home. I still feel that I should stay longer but I am told that is normal when you have been cared for by the same people for three weeks. So we prepare for my departure and I mentally prepare for the days to come.

Steinar and I meet our son

After getting all my IV's out and waiting until NICU was ready I am wheeled in to see our son. It is 4am and I am tired as I was in 50 hours of back labour. I see our little boy and I know at that moment that every minute of discomfort I felt was worth it and I would do it again a thousand times over. I think I fell in love with him the moment I saw him but when I put my hand in his isolet and he held my finger I melted. I was tired and not long after that I was taken back to my room.

I was woken up to take some pain meds at 7am and they told me I would have to start "pumping" soon. I thought that now was better then later so the lessons started. Needless to say I thought that things (milk production) would begin right away. Was I ever wrong.

Our baby boy arrives.

I am taken to the Operating Room and at 2am I am ready to go and waiting for the doctor to arrive. At this point I have been introduced to all the staff with the exception of one young guy. So me being me I pop my head up and ask him who he is. I think to say he was shocked is an understatement. "I am a second year resident is it ok if I stay?". I said but who are you? Do you have a name? He gave me his name and I told him he had a nice smile so he could stay. I think I scared him for life.
The doctor arrived at 202am and I had our baby put by 206am. Official time of delivery 206am. He came out with a scream and had all his little limbs moving around alot. We (us and the medical staff) were surprised at the scream and how active he was. I was surprised that he was a he. Although we did not know the sex of our baby I thought that he was going to be a she and no boys names ever entered my mind. I was given a very brief peek and he was wisked away to the NICU to be taken care of.

While they got me settled and took care of the placenta (testing)the nurse pointed out that they were writing on the white board, it was his weight information.
She checked the board and surprise again he was 845 grams and 34 cm long. Thank God I did not carry him to term becasue he was a big boy for 25 weeks and 2 days.

Ready for baby!

It is Thursday April 9th and I am 5cm dialated and it is around 5pm. I speak with the doctor and he thinks that I am going to have this baby at about 4am on (Good Friday) April 10th. I ask him if he could manage 444am as this is a lucky number for me. He says he will see if he can fit me in.
I am told that I will not be able to deliver in the labour and delivery room as I need to be as close to the NICU (neo natal intensive care unit). I would be taken to an operating room so that the baby (he/she) could be taken right away and cared for. I am listening to ladies arriving on the same floor and screaming in pain and all I am thinking is "take the friggin epidural". I think this becasue they could be a lot more comfortable and secondly I don't want to hear the screams of anguish.

At about 130am on Good Friday they exam me and I am told I am 7cm and plus 1. They tell me that the baby may come at 333am instead of 444am. I am good with that.
I am feeling kind of funny and my pain has increased so the nurse (Mya) decides to take out my cathater (I should mention that before they put the permanent one in they put one in a total of five times) PAIN. She called the doctor at 155am and when I was checked Dr. Sarah said whatever you do don't push. I knew this was the time and I was as ready as I was going to be.

What happens next?????????????

So I am in the delivery area. The doctors come to visit and I am checked several times. They want the baby to stay in longer as I have just hit the 25 week mark and we would like to hit the 28 week mark. My nurses are wonderful. My brother Chris comes to visit and we chat about the days events not realizing that I am in labour and have been from midnight.
Since we don't know what is going on I finally decide to get the epidural at midnight since I have gone through 24 hours of discomfort. This is the best choice I could have made as I was so exhausted and needed the relief. Steinar was a superstar holding me while the doctor did his stuff. Within ten minutes or less I was a new person. Steinar stayed by my side and we made it thorugh another day. I was now at 25 weeks and 1 day. You may think this does not mean alot but when your baby is this premature every day is important.

They decide to ween me off the epidural as my contractions have now spaced out. I don't know when I had no more pain relief but all of a sudden my back was on fire again and my breath was being taken away by the pains. The doctors were called and the stitches were checked and the decision was made to take out the stitch as they were worried that I may have an infection.
I was ready for this and felt that the baby was ready to come. That day I was given an ultrasound and they told me that he would weigh about 690 grams (454 grams is a pound of butter).
So we wait for this baby to be born and try to relax.

Let The Games Begin

It is just after midnight in the early morning of Wednesday April 8th. I don't want to take a sleeping pill as I am trying to get rest without it. My back is so painful I can't get comfortable. I am feeling the baby move but with no amniotic fluid I am guessing that the baby's movements will be felt more as it is tougher to move. I don't think much of it but I also don't sleep for the entire night.

The next day mom and dad drop by for a visit and mom notices that I "don't look very good". I chalk that up to not sleeping the entire night. I am still uncomfortable but I will deal with it as I don't want to hit the call button and bother anyone.
Michelle comes by with the tub of chocolate Ice Cream and two spoons and we dig in (me more then her). We have a great visit and she leaves as Steinar is arriving at about 515pm.
It is 530 pm and I am starting to feel pain in my abdomen and my back is on fire. I tell Steinar who (without me knowing) is timing my pain. My pain is about 8 minutes apart on regular intervals. For about one minute of that "pain" I can't breath and feel "alot of pain". The buzzer is pressed and I am hooked up to all sorts of monitors. We (the nurse) determines that I am having contractions. However, they are in a strange spot and are different. The doctor is called and after the exam they determine that the stitches are in place and nothing is happening. I am given a shot of morphine and gravol and told this would ease the pain. It makes me high but the pain has not eased up.

They wheel me to labour and delivery which is where I will remain until Sebastian is born.

Blog Catch Up

While you are reading this blog you are probably seeing that this blog is being posted weeks after the birth of Sebastian. I should explain that some very dear friends and neighbors of mine Diane, Phil, Madison and Carly all suggested I do a blog. When it was suggested I did not know how I would find the time or how to do it as I am totally computer dumb. With the encouragement from Diane and the training from Madison I started plugging away to get this blog started. At this point I am not remembering dates too clearly but it is important to keep documentation as I find it very helpful for me. Also I am hoping it will help my family overseas to get regular updates on Sebastian's health and progress.

Thanks for all your help and the suggestion of the blog Diane, Phil, Maddy and Carly. I appreciate the help in learning how to post and your support has been outstanding.

In My Own World

This is my view from my room. As the days pass I look out my window into a courtyard that is all brick with the exception of a black metal staircase. I fondly refer to it as the inmates yard although I don't ever see anyone in this area. I count on this window to tell me what the weather is like. All I know is that I have been in here several weeks and spring is on the way. It was interesting one day when I saw snow and thought maybe it is not so bad in here.

This window at one point was filled with vases of flowers but at the time this was taken only two remained. Tuvia the sunflowers were compliments of you and Roger. Thanks for the little bit of sunshine.
While I am thanking people I should also thank PSU, my Team A/B, Linda, Dan and Tracy, and all the other people who sent(or brought over flowers)to cheer me up. The were greatly appreciated.

Grandma and Grandpa get Therapy

This is a hand casting of grandma and grandpa Fowles. It is something that will be put in the baby's room. Mom and dad happened to be visiting me one afternoon which also happened to coincide with Art Therapy. I had planned on doing a belly cast but I was unable to as I would not be able to get up and get the cast off and since it was so messy I would need to get up for an extended period to shower (I was not able to do this). So I had the bright thought that I wanted a casting, and since mom and dad were visiting they could do one of them. They are two of the most important people in my life and I thought this would be a great momento. I don't think they were aware of what they were getting into but agreed as the request came from their daughter who was asking a favour.

Items To Cherish and Learning to Knitt

So this is what my bulletin board looked like. Everything that was of some relevance went on the board. I had the thong hanging where it was easily visible. Ultrasound pictures of my little bean. A beautiful card from my nephew Austin and Art work by the artist "Steinar". Also please note the green knitted hat.
I should explain that the hat and art work were part of a therapy session that was something we could participate in on a weekly basis. As you knitt your hat or did your paintings (art work) a therapist sat with you and helped you express your feelings about what you were going through. The hat was knitt in about two hours and should fit Sebastian when he is about two years old. I guess they were optomistic when doing this therapy as you were knitting a hat for a full term baby. The art work was interesting as both Steinar and I did one at the same time. Apparently they have never had a couple do art therepy together. This was going to be one of a few firsts at this hosiptal. By the time I "checked out" their were many firsts. When I was painting my masterpiece (which was so great I did not keep it) I made the mistake of saying that "I made a mistake" for which I was quickly told that their was no such things as mistakes. All this time I am thinking "yes I made a mistake as it was not what I intended to do". This is one of the times I thought I would just keep my mouth shut.

Some of the cards and items that hve been given to me.

Michelle Comes To Visit - April 8th

Today my girlfriend Michelle comes to visit. She is a superstar and brings the chocolate ice-cream that I have asked for and about 20 magazines to keep me occupied. Also as it is near to Easter Michelle brings me this cute little chicken in an egg that chirps when you take it out. She made my day. I have a great visit and could have had her stay all day. Michelle is smart enough to bring a camera with her and starts taking pictures of everything to document my fat belly, the compresssion stockings (do they only come in white?), the gifts that have been sent and anything else she thinks will make a great photo. I am happy that she thought of the camera as this has not been something Steinar or I have thought to bring to the hospital. I am on strict bed rest and can't even leave my room in a wheelchair to get some fresh air. I know the weather is warming up and the only trip I can make is to the bathroom and back to bed. The highlight of my days is when I am able to get up for five minutes and have Steinar help me with a shower. It is amazing how you start to appreciate the small things in life like access to water and soap. Also my husband is a hero and is by my side every night making sure we are both doing ok. I miss him, my familiar surroundings and our home.

My Water Broke (what exactly did this mean)

So I am feeling a bit odd and get up for the bathroom when I feel a big gush of liquid. I don't need to call the nurse to confirm that my water broke. I am frightened as I think this means I am going to go into labour any minute. They have the doctor exam me and after confirming that "yes, your water broke" I am immediately taken from my ward room and given a private room. Why I ask? Because I may need to be alone with my family. This does not make things any less stressed for us. However I do like the fact that I have my own bathroom and privacy although I now have nobody to chat to and for me this is difficult.

The doctors meet with us and at this time I realize that the baby does not need the amniotic fluid to survive. Who would have known that? Apparently it just regenerates it's urine and can still survive until term (although this is highly unlikely in our case). The big concern is infection for both myself and our child.

All we can do is wait, and pray, and stay stress free. Easier said then done.

The next few days are filled with Doctors speaking to Steinar and I about possible outcomes. We don't like the information we are given but we know that with everyday comes a possible better outcome.

So we wait.

The Week Following the Surgery

We made it through one week and we were feeling a bit more positive. I had the IV running antibiotics for three days after surgery and after the IV came out I was on oral antibiotics for the week. Everything was going well and we were hopeful for a long hospital stay. At this point the baby was measuring somewhere around 600 grams (according to the ultra sound).
We had passed another milestone. We should have realized that there is always a calm before the storm.

Thursday March 26th

The doctors came by on rounds today and we had a very candid chat about what was going on. Dr. Akouri who operated on me to stitch my cervix closed said that he almost called off the operation as I was 5cm dialated and they did not know if they could do this type of procedure. The only worry at this point was that myself or the baby had or could get an infection. If the baby was born at this point then chances of survival would be slim to none. The doctors at this hospital always gave us the grim reality of the situation and we knew at all times what our future could possible be for us and it was not looking to be in our favor (today anyway).

Steinar and I met with the neonatal team and they explained the what if's. They baby had a chance of survival if he/she stayed in at least a couple of weeks.

One hour at a time is what we had to deal with until it became another day gone by. Everyday was a milestone.

The support of the people around me was overwhelming and the people at my job made things alot easier. I now blocked everything out but Steinar, myself and our baby.

Wednesday March 25th

So today is the day they are shipping me to some hospital that has room. I am told that it will be Hamilton, or one of two hospitals in Toronto. Just after 1300 hours I am told the ambulance is on the way to pick me up and transport me to Women's College Hospital. I am happy about that because it is one of the best hospitals and it is alot closer then Hamilton.
The limo ride is uncomfortable and I spend the ride chatting with the medic and trying to guess exactly where we are based on what I am seeing through the back windows.
We arrive at the hospital and I am sent for an examination and told that they would be operating that evening. I am scared. I have been told that I am very dialated and that the membrane for my sweet baby is pushing its way out. I have also been told that in the next two days had I not have caught this problem then the baby would be born.

They prep me for surgery at 1730 hours and I meet the team who would look after me. Steinar is by my side the entire time and I am more worried about him then I am me. After the surgery I am feeling horrible as they had a breathing tube stuffed down my throat and it is sore. I have not eaten anything in about 36 hours and I am feeling ill and cold.

The transfer me to a ward with two other ladies and an empty bed awaiting the next arrival. It is not long before I get to know the other ladies as we will become friends as we are in the high risk unit and may be for a long time.

I am on an IVand feeling really run down not knowing what is going to happen with our baby. At this point my main concern is to not know the sex of the baby as that is the only surprise we will have (other then a possible early delivery). My Aunt Tiny in Jamaica told us long ago to leave it as a surprise and that we have done.

We make it through another day and Know we have an uncertain future ahead of us. All we can do is pray.

My Sisters Support

Of course I have the best family in the world and the most supportive. Anna shows up at the hospital to check on me and cheer me up. Not only does she show up as her happy self but she brings gifts. They include a burger and fries to keep me going and some other items to get me through the days to come. The first item that she pulls out of the magic bag (after the food of course) is thong underwear. Why thong underwear? She says that I can wear them when I am feeling sexy again. Next item is a tiara. That is so that when I ring my bell for the nurse to come then she can treat me like a princess. I should mention that I never did disrupt the nurses until much later on. Last but not least was the frozen bag of peas that Anna's lovely and thoughful husband sent for my private parts. They were not needed at the time although after giving birth it would have come in handy. With all these great gifts things were looking up.

Wednesday March 25th

So we wait and wait to find out what is to happen with us. The night is long and I don't sleep well. The nurses are terrific and come to check on me often. It is quiet and I am tired so I manage to sleep and think of the day to come.

Tuesday March 24th...850 hours

Well I am in my 23rd week of pregnancy and things were not feeling "right". Whatever that means? I go for an appointment with my Obgyn only to discover that I am dialated and things are critical. Off to the neonatal unit where I soon discover I will not be going home any time in the near future. I call work and I am in shock as I know things are not good.
My parents are a god send and make sure that Steinar is by my side within an hour as we wait for some sort of answer as to what will happen. I am left on a stretcher with my head tipped on an downward slope to keep everything in. I am left that way for the better part of the day as the doctors try to decide which Level I hospital I will be shipped off to. Every hospital appears to be very busy so I stay the night in Scarborough not knowing what will happen next. We are all very scared and unprepared for the days to come. I don't think I have prayed so much for anything in my life.